Archive | September, 2015
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Taking A Break

22 Sep

I’ve decided to take a break from friends. I did this on a whim. It began with me feeling the lack of support around me. I’m always the good friend, I listen, I give advice, I care. What I really miss is having people around me that actually asked me how I am doing, sharing even the slightest bit of excitement that I have for my projects. I miss talking to friends about lame TV shows, gossiping about nothing, excited about everything. I really miss having a best friend, the kind of friend you do all those things with. I’ll just say it: I’m tired of caring about others and no one giving a shit about me, the real me – Not me who gives advice about the same BS situation over and over again. Sometimes I ask myself who these people in my life are. I can’t even say these things without causing offense.A little over a week ago, it was my dad’s two year anniversary of his passing. Not one friend called, not one sent a text message. I felt my dad’s presence and told none of them.

I’m already mentally and emotionally spent taking care of my entire family which consists of my husband (always at work), 2 kids (infant, toddler), and 2 dogs (1yr, 2.5 yr), and running an entire household which is all done on very little sleep. Every. Single. Day. I’m known as Super Mom amongst family and friends but even the most super of beings yearn to be cared for.

I just miss having true friends. I kind of miss the friends I used to have. That feels like a lifetime ago, before the family life. Making friends is difficult anyway. Should I be thankful for the ones I have and just deal? Am I just being ungrateful? I think I would rather be friendless and lonely. You can’t force people to care.

I don’t know…