Tag Archives: dad

Missing My Dad

8 Nov

October 4, 2013

My dad’s passing is my first experience with someone close dying I should say. I had a friend who was killed in a plane crash a couple years ago. I cried for two weeks and still think of him often.

But what I’m going through with my dad is so intense. It’s so painful. I think about him all the time. Not an hour goes by where I don’t. It’s been almost a month and it still hurts the same. I didn’t think in my heart he was going to die. Now I’m left here without him. Before he was sick, like really sick, I mean a year ago, we had a good relationship. We were like allies here (he didn’t like the way my mom raised the boys). He was proud of me for not depending on my mom/family. He was glad I moved out (I’m the only one who’s flown the nest). He always told me I did a great job of taking care of Cyrus and to never stop. I didn’t take it serious at the time but he was giving me advice on how to make a relationship successful and happy. This year when he got worse he said one hurtful phrase and I was done with it, I was SO angry. I held on to that anger, and without realizing it, I was handling it just like my mom would handle a situation. But I’m nothing like my mom. I’m exactly like my dad. I’m stubborn like him, I react like him, I have his passion, his creativity. I even look like him.

I just miss him so much, I wish he was still here. I can’t even function alone in public without breaking down because I see him everywhere… So I’m weary of being out alone now. I miss him so much, I don’t care about all the bad stuff and the past. I wish I could talk to him one last time.